“I breathe you in & there it is again, my heart saying thank you for this whole life that brought me here to you.”

(brian andreas)

IMG_5053I found out I was pregnant in early February of 2017. So pretty much the entire year was Ezra on my heart and mind. Being pregnant and laboring hard to bring forth this life was also the hope and motivation I needed in the midst of a year where when I looked around all I wanted to say was WTF. (And those of you who know me well know it takes a lot for me to swear). 😊

My heart ached for the world and at the same time grew with each heartbeat I heard in my womb and now with each cry, smile, and snuggle in my chest. It didn’t seem possible to keep hope, love, justice, mercy and kindness on the forefront of everything I tried to be and do without being super cynical.

But I did and I will continue to do so because at the end of the day, I am choosing gratitude. I have an amazing, loving family that would do anything for each other. I have badass friends who are smart, compassionate, and practice what they preach. (Yes, you!) I have a partner who brings light and levity into my life on the regular and who has stepped into a different place of goodness toward me since the birth of our son. I now have a child along with all children who deserve love and hope for this world and the future. And I still have a God who has continued to show me through Christ that a life of service is not one that is lived in vain.

2017, as a new mother, my heart has only expanded. So even though my heart ached more than it maybe ever has for the world and this country, you didn’t rid me of love and joy. I am indeed grateful for this whole life that has brought me here to the close of 2017.